Plots authored by @EdinburghBooks:
- The funeral of the learned pig was one of the biggest that London has ever seen. He had been an extraordinary porker.
- Consequences were something that she looked forward to with a tepid thrill.
- The other day was almost the same as the day before with only one minor difference. The traffic warden.
- It is an English eclair without an accent, but with a lot more cheap, saturated fat. So you do want a bite?
- Particularly not when I had to use my fingers to catch them and I'd only just got my nails done.
- Her eternity ring with two diamonds missing pressing uncomfortably tight on her second finger.
- It is a truth universally acknowledged that a traffic warden with a scowl is a good reason to jump athletically into the cupboard
- Black businessmen in suits filed in to check he was really dead. The porker had had a conscience. That had been a problem.
- Passion Pig was not dead, merely biding his time until the funeral.
- It hit a sales assistant who was lolling around like a mildly alive dummy.
- 'Have ye any idea how to tie a studdingsail tack bend because I'll be darned if I can remember...
- The difference between the town and country had never been more pronounced. One loved a pig. The others enjoyed a pork roast.
- The riverbed looks dank. Crabs must be revolting creatures to live there. My bed has white sheets.
- When I was ten I persuaded my brother to use a hedgehog as a sponge in the bathroom and he had lacerated himself.
- Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very bulbous nose.
- He hoisted his battle standard, screamed, "take that you weegie!" and charged.
- He hoisted his battle standard and screamed, "take that you weegie!"
- He hoisted his battle standard and screamed 'take that you weegie!'
- My little dears who learn to read pray early learn to shun that very silly thing indeed which people call a pun.
- Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very bulbous nose.
- 'Don't be ridiculous,' replied the seagull, you've only made it to Belgium and seagulls can't talk.
- Well, my parents for a start but I'm a fair woman and I can appreciate that there was provocation.
- She bought a poke of chips and sharpened the end of her umbrella.
- She looked down at me with a faintly pitying expression. 'Do you have a copy of Mein Kampf?' she said.
- Keep up man. It is the nineteenth century and politicians may be porkers but we're all far too polite to mention it.
- It is hard to imagine them seeping like a sack of juice that has been perforated though. And they have fleas.
- Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very bulbous nose.